


First Family Vacation

by OctoberDecember



Series: Shadowhunters/One-Shots [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Humor, M/M, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 09:08:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14667849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OctoberDecember/pseuds/OctoberDecember
Summary: Alec and Magnus go on their first vacation as a couple—Complete and utter nonsense ensues.(Part of a potential series of Shadowhunters One Shots)





	First Family Vacation

This was a nightmare. 

Alec and Magnus had decided to go on vacation, somewhere far away from New York. 

Alec had imagined that Magnus would take him somewhere awe-inspiring, somewhere magical, somewhere incredible—

Instead, Magnus had insisted that he and Alec make their way to Los Angeles for a few weeks. 

They weren't in the tourist part of Los Angeles, either. For some reason, Magnus begged Alec to agree to stay in the outskirts, somewhere in Los Angeles County, somewhere barely tourist adjacent... 

Even Disneyland was a three-hour drive away. 

By day three, Magnus and Alec had exhausted every possible opportunity for doing something interesting in this very small part of town. 

If Alec had to stand in line at yet another Americana buffet, he was going to lose his mind. 

As he channel-surfed, he noted the repetitiveness of the TV's programs—

Boring local news—

Women screaming at each other while seated on various couches—

Sensational national news—

Men going around to different restaurants and purposely overeating—

Questionable world news—

And lastly, various couples thoughtfully house hunting, even though they all seemed to despise each other... 

Alec let the TV rest on the house hunting show, as he envied the couple's current, tropical location... 

Alec wistfully sighed to himself, as he looked around the rather average hotel room. It was small, with barely enough room for Magnus to iron their clothes in the morning, and more than once, Alec had banged his knee while trying to turn a corner in the night. 

And soon enough, as if they were waiting for their cue, Alec could hear the upstairs neighbors making love—

Or fighting? 

Possibly some kind of kinky combination of both. 

"Magnus...Magnus!" Alec shouted out his warlock's name, as he desperately turned up the sound on the hotel room's TV. 

"Yes, my love?" Magnus popped his head into the room, a wide grin already on his face. "Did you need something?" 

"Don't you hear it, too?" Alec grimaced as he muted the TV screen. 

The noises upstairs continued, as a man loudly groaned. 

"Oh...Hmm." Magnus raised an eyebrow, as he listened to the possibly graphic sounds. "That's...interesting." 

"Is it even normal to be able to hear that from upstairs? How thin could these walls possibly be?" Alec whined as he folded his arms against his chest. "Magnus, why are we here? You're the most powerful warlock in Brooklyn. Couldn't you have taken me to...anywhere?" 

"Oh, Alexander, I am giving you exactly what you wished for..." Magnus walked over towards Alec, gently brushing a hand through Alec's hair. "Or did you so easily forget your own words?" 

"Magnus, I have no idea what you're talking about..." Alec blew out a heavy breath, as he looked up at Magnus. 

"Alexander, you told me that when you were younger, all you ever wanted was a normal family vacation." Magnus beamed down at Alec, before lightly kissing him on the forehead. "Well, my love. This is it. This is a normal family vacation." 

"But Magnus...It's...awful..." 

"Exactly, my love! Exactly." Magnus clasped his hands together, his eyes nearly twinkling with excitement. "I too am having a truly awful time. The bar in the lobby doesn't serve drinks, and I believe someone has stolen one of my fitted coats." 

"Magnus." Alec winced as the couple upstairs seemed to get louder and louder. "Magnus, we have to leave." 

"Ah, my sweet, Alexander. That's the beauty of a family vacation, my love. You can't just leave when you want to. You must learn to endure." Magnus un-muted the TV screen, as he playfully patted Alec on his shoulder. "You'll start to have fun soon, my Shadowhunter. I promise you." 

********* 

Alec Lightwood was not having fun. 

He'd tried to go for a swim in the hotel's public pool, but the pool was to be closed for the next six months. 

He then tried to go for a massage, courtesy of Magnus' reservation, but the Mundane performing the procedure was much too flirtatious, repeatedly asking Alec if he would enjoy a complimentary happy ending. 

Alec thought he was almost on the precipice of having fun, once, when Magnus brought him to something called an escape room.... 

But Alec solved the room's puzzle within the first five minutes and was subsequently banned from the building for cheating. 

And now, he was back in the hotel room, listening to the couple above make raucous love—

Or make raucous war—

Yet again. 

Magnus lied beside Alec in bed, calmly reading through a local newspaper. "It would seem as if the local home team has once again defeated their rivals from two towns over..." Magnus nodded as he flipped to another page. "Oh, by the Angel, no! One of the local cheerleaders injured herself during a standard routine. She'll be benched for the rest of the season." 

Alec felt like screaming. 

He briefly wondered if he'd recently died in a battle and was now stuck in a particular circle of hell... 

Well, Magnus Bane was still beside him... 

So maybe Alec wasn't stuck in hell. 

Maybe he was just stuck in purgatory. 

Or limbo. 

Alec roughly pinched the skin on his forearm, attempting to will himself awake, if he just so happened to be currently in a comatose state... 

Alec had no such luck. 

He really was stuck in this average town, in this average hotel room, listening to what he imagined to be two average Mundanes going at it for the second time tonight—

"Nope. No. That's it. That's it!" Alec moved away from the bed, as he pulled on a nearby shirt. 

"Where are you off to, Alexander?" Magnus' tone was one of curiosity, as he watched Alec quickly get dressed. 

"I'm going upstairs. I'm telling them to knock it off." Alec was now slipping on his boots, as he shot a glare over at Magnus. "And don't you dare try to stop me." 

"I wouldn't dare tell you what to do, my love. It's our vacation, after all." Magnus gently smiled as he went back to reading the newspaper, quietly humming under his breath. "Oh! It seems as if someone has published an entire opinion piece about the new grocery store downtown. How delightful! I imagine the subtext is riveting—" 

Alec didn't hear the rest of Magnus' sentence, as he was already on the other side of the hotel room's door. 

*****************************

"What the fuck do you want?" A middle-aged man opened the door, as a cigarette hung loosely from his mouth. 

"Tony! Is that the pizza man? I have the money ready on the table—" 

"No, Beth! It's not the pizza man! It's some tall freak from out of town." The man scoffed over at Alec, as the man tapped his fingers against the door-frame. "What do you want, asshole?" 

"You're too loud." Alec's words came out crisp and clear, as he tucked his hands behind his back. "You should be more courteous of others." 

The woman now appeared at the door as well, wearing see-through lingerie and an obvious blonde wig. "What the fuck? Tony, what did this freak just say to you?" 

"Beth, baby, he says we're being too loud. He says we should be more courteous..." Tony quietly cracked his knuckles, as he smirked up at Alec. "You think I should show him some courtesy, baby?" 

Beth's eyes lit up with excitement, as she giddily clapped her hands together. "Yeah, baby! Kick his fucking ass!" 

"...What?" Alec, still confused, took a few steps away from the door. "I think you may have misunderstood. I was just asking you to—" 

"What's wrong, pretty boy?! Afraid of a little fight?" Tony laughed as he stepped out into the hallway. He was shirtless, only wearing a pair of red boxers and well-worn sandals. "Tony will go easy on ya, kiddo. Bar fight rules. No knives, no wives, no surprises, no cops." 

"Yeah, asshole! You try to swing on me and Tony will send you back to freak-ville." Beth chuckled, as she turned her attention towards Tony. "If he pulls a knife, I'll let you know, baby!" 

"Is this..is this normal for you people?" Alec's mouth hung open in horror, as he looked back and forth between Tony and Beth. "Is this what you do?" 

Alec immediately received an answer to his question as he saw Tony running towards him, his fist already clenched. 

Alec expertly ducked out of the way, the Mundane obviously being no match for him in combat. 

When Tony tried to rush Alec again, Alec spotted Magnus out of the corner of his eye, furiously stepping out of the elevator. Magnus was now holding onto a golf club, as he held it directly over his head, threateningly shaking it in mid-air. "Don't make me use this again, Tony." 

"Aww, fuck! Magnus, you know this clown?" Tony shook his head, as he openly rolled his eyes. "What's he to you? Your cousin or something?" 

"Boyfriend." Magnus said the word with pride, as he went to stand beside Alec. 

"Wait...You're fucking your cousin?" Beth chimed into the conversation, before slightly shrugging. "Ehh. So what? At least he's cute. For a freak." 

Tony and Beth laughed in tune, as they both headed back inside their hotel room. "Hey, Magnus, we'll try to be quieter, alright? It's not even a problem." 

"Thanks, Tony." Magnus nodded towards the couple, as Tony waved him off. 

"No problem, no problem. Anything for you, man." Tony eventually slammed his hotel room door shut. 

"Magnus...How do you know those people..." Alec's eyes were filled with concern, as he stared up at Magnus' golf club. 

"Oh, Tony and I became acquainted on the very first night. He challenged me to a fight while I was bringing up one of our suitcases from the car." Magnus chuckled, as he let the golf club fall to his side. "I won the fight and now he respects me. The circle of life is complete." 

"Of course, Magnus...That makes sense..." Alec marveled at his warlock's ability to so easily adapt to any situation. "Um...Can we...Can we be done now? I feel like I've gotten the whole awful vacation experience. I get it, Magnus, family vacations are the worst." 

"That wasn't exactly the point, Alexander. Yes, family vacations can be awful...But our time together is what makes it so...bearable." Magnus smiled up at Alec, as he pressed a hand against Alec's chest. "These past few weeks, even though you seemed to hate every minute more than the last...Would you have rather spent them with anyone else? Would you have rather spent them anywhere else?" 

Alec thought back over his entire hellish experience—

The fight with Tony—

The mind-numbing TV options—

The over-enthusiastic massage attendant—

The pool he never even got to swim in—

And Alec gave Magnus a genuine smile. "No, Magnus. There's nowhere else I would've rather been and no one else I would've rather been with. I love you." 

"I love you, too, Alexander." Magnus brought a hand up to Alec's cheek, stroking against it softly. "Which is why I thought it would be nice to maybe head back to New York a little early. Spend a few days locked away in my loft?" 

"Yes. Please. Yes." Alec quickly nodded, wanting Magnus to portal them back to New York as soon as Magnus possibly could. "I love you, Magnus, but if we don't leave right now, I'm hitchhiking back to New York on my own." 

Magnus laughed as he quickly created a portal, blue sparks seamlessly interweaving between his fingertips. "As you wish, my love." 

Alec gratefully stepped through the portal to Magnus' loft, happily landing on Magnus' living room couch. 

Magnus soon came through the portal, as well, landing directly in Alec's lap. 

"So...How would you rate our first family vacation?" Magnus lied down on Alec's chest, quietly nuzzling his face into the crook of Alec's neck. 

"Honestly, Magnus, I don't think we're ever going anywhere, ever again." Alec tenderly kissed the top of Magnus' head, as he brushed his hand up and down Magnus' arm. 

Alec already knew that he was lying. 

If Magnus wanted to revisit that same awful hotel, Alec would be at his side in a heartbeat. 

Because Magnus had been right. 

Anywhere they went, as long as they were together, Alec would learn to find it bearable—

And maybe even enjoyable—

Because it would never really be about the location, anyway. 

It would only be about Magnus—

It would only be about Alec's newfound family—

Alec smiled to himself as he drifted off to sleep, wondering what he and Magnus might do for their next family vacation...

**Author's Note:**

> KICK HIS ASS, TONY
> 
> spoilers:
> 
> this was just something stupid I wrote because I couldn't sleep and FOR SOME REASON the image of Alec getting into a fight like this is hilarious to me omg HONESTLY I MIGHT DELETE THIS WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING BUT I'M NOT GONNA' PRETEND LIKE THIS DIDN'T BRING ME JOY


End file.
